149. Empath Myths Busted: 5 BS Stories You Need to Torch Right Now

Welcome to Mind Power Meets Mystic. The show where practical mind power and mystical wisdom collide with humor and wild curiosity. Yeah, we're not here to play it safe. I'm Cinthia Varkevisser, your resident spiritual shit disturber. I stir things up with mystic power and bold action. And I'm Michelle Walters, coach and Hypnotherapist. I bring strategy and transformative hypnosis to help you turn subconscious blocks into unstoppable momentum. Let's shake up your thinking, dive into your soul and make bold moves in your life. We'll take you on a journey of breakthrough and aha moments, exploring spirit, business, love, relationships and self expansion. We're connecting you with your highest self and flipping fear into strength. So buckle up. We're doing this one wild, transformative conversation at a time.

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hey, hey, hey, welcome to Mind Power Meets Mystic. I am Cinthia Varkevisser, your spiritual shit disturber and this podcast mystic, my pal and co host Michelle Walters, has a well deserved day off, and I believe she's camping right now, so I hope she's enjoying nature while I'm here with you, since we have this time together that we do something really fun, which is some myth busting, specifically Empath myths, all right, Because empaths tend to have these stories that leave us tired, broke and bitter as fuck. So let's get beyond that and turn these stories of sadness into stories of strength. Okay, all right. So first, let's talk about what is an empath? Just in case you're not sure if you're one or not, if you can sense things with your body and your emotions. That is the that is the number one indicator that you're an empath. So that means that you're pretty good bullshit

detector. You can tell if someone says that they're fine and they're not, if you can suss that out, congratulations, you're an empath. If you can get to the punchline of a joke before someone finishes that joke, congratulations, you're an empath. If you have a hard time sitting across or next to someone, and you realize, if you shift your body just a little bit, it makes you feel better. Congratulations, you're an empath. So here are some things that can trigger trigger you into knowing that you're an empath. Just in case you didn't know, but I have a feeling that you already knew this stuff. So let's get started. Here's my number one favorite myth, that is that as an empath, we must heal and that is correct to a point. What is important to know is that we do not have to heal everyone, and we do not have to heal everyone through empathic energy. I want you to know that empaths tend to want to fix because we are so uncomfortable in someone's discomfort. So while they're campaigning, complaining, not campaigning, well, maybe they are campaigning to complain. But while they're complaining, a part of us gets really uncomfortable, and so we either fix or we absorb or we do these things that aren't necessarily needed in order to heal someone. Sometimes someone just needs someone to witness them go through something hard. And as an empath, that's probably the number one hard thing to do,

but I will tell you it is the most rewarding if that's what the person in need is looking for. The second is that sometimes a person just wants to be heard and acknowledged, and you don't need empathic skills for that. What's important is that we say, okay, it's not anything personal. We don't need to fix anything. If we have the time and we have the energy, yeah, let's listen. And we don't have to offer any advice. They're not asking for advice. They're just asking to be heard, to be listened to and to be acknowledged. Like, man, that really sucks. I'm sorry you're having a really bad day. So that is this the myth that I'd like to bust. We do not have to heal, and when we do heal, it doesn't have to be done through empathic energy. It can be used through other human energetic skill.

Ills. All right, okay, let's go on to Myth number two. This is another one that I love, especially for the single ladies, which is that empaths always attract narcissists. Now this is true in the fact that

empaths can't help but see someone and know that they can be elevated, that they can, you know that, you know, let's face it, everybody's a work in progress, but a lot of empaths like to pick projects like, Oh, I see this in this person. And we can, we can do so much more with this person, and so what they do is that they pick a work in progress, and that's not true. If this was true, that you would have, you wouldn't have any friends that you could lean into, right? Because it's not just about romantic attraction. It's about all attraction. So I love this because I used to have a babysitter for my twin girls, and she was in college, really beautiful, really sweet, had a very lovely disposition, and she would come in one time and she was really happy, and then come in the next time and she was really sad, and she said, I'm a loser magnet and and I would just laugh, because it wasn't about

the people that she was attracting, it was about the people that she was choosing. What happens a lot of time is that we are attract many people, but we only have eyes for the people of the project. Isn't that freaking hilarious? If you take a look at all the people in your past and you're still single, take a look and you'll see that you're the common denominator in all the people that have that you've been with, meaning that you're the ones that have picked out those traits, not that these are the best catches that you could have ever had. Okay, so empaths don't always attract narcissists.

Think about your friends. Think about your family that you choose to hang out with. Think about all the people you love and boost you, and then think about, I'd like to have more of those people in my life. And guess what? Because we're empaths, that's how we attract all right? So take a look at that and see what is the common denominator, right? And find out. What is it in you that that you find so attractive, in wanting to help that person? And I want to remind you that when we attract, especially for relationships, it's not about someone. What is it that was in that movie with show me the money? Which is You complete me, that is like the worst statement ever. You complete you. You're attracted to a whole and complete person. And then between the two of you, you create this little baby called a relationship, and you feed the relationship. You don't need to feed each other. There are times where they will lean into you and you will lean into them, and that's a beautiful thing, but it's not about someone completing you. If you feel like you need someone to complete you, please give me a call, because I would love to show you just how perfect you are.

You have been listening to Mind Power Meets Mystic with me. Michelle Walters and my co host Cinthia Varkevisser, we want to tell you about a special gig the two of us have going on. It's called mind power meets mystic, the project, and it starts off on a zoom call with Cinthia. Cinthia tell everybody what they can expect. So for the first half of our session, you will be with me, and Michelle will be very quietly in the background preparing to do her work. What we will do is that we will talk about the one thing that you either want to amp up or that you want to release, and through the intuitive work, I help you get boil it down to its essence, and then give you an RX of three practical things to do to set you on your way. And then Michelle magically appears. What is it that you do that Michelle, I have been listening in but not participating in the first half of the call. I have an excellent idea of what Cinthia means when she says something, and I have an excellent idea of quickly getting to what my client is all about and his or her individual strengths. I turn all of this into a 20 to 30 minute hypnosis session on the second half of the call, which, when we're done, I strip off and send you as an mp three that you can listen to.

Over and over again. You also will have Cinthia's three point recommendations, and the recording of the Zoom call. It is a fantastic one hour offering a great gift for yourself or for someone you don't know what to get such insights, and we've gotten such great reviews. So if you're interested, send me or Cinthia an email. You'll find our contact information in the show notes, and we'll tell you how to get started. All right, all right. Here's another one of my favorite

myths, which is that empaths are always nice, and then the flip side of that is that empaths are spiritually superior. Now I will, I will. I'm going to spend a lot of time on this, because this is the one that I'm still working on. Actually, I'm working on all of them, but this is the one I'm working on the most

empaths are always nice. It's not that we're always nice. It's always that we understand where someone's coming from, and if we don't understand where someone's coming from, we sure do our damnedest trying to figure out where they are coming from, because that is how we connect. We connect on that energetic, emotional level, which is a red flag, by the way, because if that's what it takes to connect on an emotional level, we are trying too hard, and it's time to let someone else be that, that person's connection, or we just back up a little bit and, and not just try so hard and and just have a nice little conversation instead of a connection. So for me,

I find that a lot of people think that I'm nice, which I'm not. If you talk to anybody who is one of my really close people on my inner circle, they're going to talk about how bitchy and snarky I am, and that I'm a smart ass and I'm a shit disturber and I mean, these aren't secrets, but a lot of people think that I'm this incredibly nice person, which, when I'm working that is, that is the connected point. If I cannot connect with you, which some people construe is nice, then we are not going to have a good session, right? I won't be able to help you heal, right? And that's the that's the important part, do not, do not mistake that for nice. Okay, that is connected. Nice is I don't know things that I don't always do. I'm always surprised when someone does something, and I'm like, Oh, shit, that was a really kind thing to do. I wonder why I didn't think about it. And then I giggled to myself and say, you know note for later. All right, so impasse, empaths are not always nice, and

when they are nice, but not sincere, sincere, that's because they're coming from a pleasing place. And empaths, when you're coming from a pleasing place, it's a very dangerous place, because that is where we lose our energy, and that is when we are not sincere. And insincerity is so damaging as a healer, it's really important for us to come from a place of authenticity. My martial arts teacher told me, you know that I still come from a pleasing space, which surprised me, because I thought I was really working, you know, on this and doing a good job, which I'm sure I'm doing a good job, but, you know, I felt like it was farther along on this journey then, then I was because she gave me a an example or two of things that I had done, and suggested that I that I would do next.

And what she said is that

people pleasers are untrustworthy.

And I had to sit with that for a minute, and I actually had to

take a deep breath and admit that that is that's a true statement. Because if I'm busy trying to please somebody, or trying so hard to keep it a win, win without sometimes just thinking about me, me alone, or me first, then it's really hard for us to be authentic and say, Yeah, this is what I want now, when it comes to negotiating and a situation, you know, yeah, I'm super honest, but a lot of times I'm like, You know what? It's not a big deal. And then I and then I go along, well, a lot of these not big deals put together, and then it becomes a big deal. Because that the people I keep saying, yeah, no problem, whatever, all of a sudden they think I'm a different kind of person. Instead of putting in my opinion from time to time, I could say, hey, it's not my favorite thing to do, but I'm happy to do it because I want to hang out with you guys. That is honest, right? And so.

So that is the that is the truer past than being quote, unquote Nice. So a couple things. One, is being connected. Is sometimes construed as nice, and it's not okay. It is something different. It's something deeper. And two, when we are being pleasers, we're not being authentic, and that is very dangerous. And then three, right, being nice

is draining when we're not authentic, and that is also dangerous for us, because as an empath, a lot of us are either over eaters or drinkers or some other kind of addiction that

that you know helps us try and rebuild that energy, when actually the thing that we are addicted to is people pleasing, kind of fucked up, but true. Now let's do the flip side of it, we are spiritually superior. You're probably thinking, Cinthia, that is so not me, and I'm going to call you on your bullshit, right? So anytime you're feeling sorry for someone because of where they are and you try to help them without, again, going back to the first myth, which is that you know, we're going to fix that person or heal that person without their permission, right? That is being judgmental, that is coming from a place of saying I can do something that they cannot do for themselves. That is so much bullshit, and I cannot believe that I still do this. And it's really funny when Dee, my partner actually is the one that calls me on it the most. She's like, why are you feeling sorry for that person? And I, I am just so happy that I get to feel and see the things that I do, that I automatically feel sorry for the people who say or act like they don't. And that is being judgmental, and that is also being shady. So you know,

when we do our work, that's awesome.

It's important work. We don't always have to be working, and

not all work is for us. So quit thinking that, you know, you can fix someone, because that is a judgy thing. It's really interesting to watch your

thoughts, because there's judgment in there. It looks like compassion. Put it ain't. So take a quick look at yourself and see if you can strengthen that part of you of again going into witness mode, or the compassionate mode of being separate, not having to dive into it, and watching these people do what they want to do, how they want to do it. And again, it's painful. I mean, you know, I don't I'm pretty sure I talked about this before, but I had one sibling, one sibling only, and he his name was Lance. He was nine and a half years younger than me. I loved him. I thought he was the coolest kid on the block, and he was way smarter than I could ever be. That he was so much more talented than I was. And you know, he had a problem with drugs, and you know, he was an addict. And, you know, I went on my high horse and talked about addiction. Oh shit, I got addictions as well, right? You already know I'm a people pleaser. I love sugar, which just happens to be more socially acceptable. I have all these other things. But, you know, I I couldn't reach him, I couldn't do anything, but just love him and wish him well and

give him the space that he wanted he didn't want to talk to me and so and so. You know, you can tell this is a really painful thing. Because if it was up to me, I would have done anything I could to, you know, help my brother out and not have him pass away

when he did and how he did. So

sometimes that's just the path we have to take, which is being compassionate and a little bit removed, a little bit not removed. That's not the word I want to use, compassionate and detached and be

a beautiful witness. That is a really important thing.

All right, okay, let's switch it up just a little bit

to myth number four, which is that, you know, being drained be, you know, having an empty tank energetically is part of the gig, and that's bullshit, right? So I can talk about this forever, but I'm going to break it down into a couple things.

Things

when we are not balanced and when we are not really taking good care of ourselves, we do one of four things, and it sounds a lot like fear, and in a weird way, it is a fear. So number one is that we go into flight, or we go into fight, or we go into freeze, or are we going to fix? So fight is, you know, I got to do my boundaries. Got to do my boundaries. No doing boundaries or putting up boundaries actually takes up energy. And, you know, think about it. It takes a lot of energy to build a wall and keep the wall strong, instead of just going, you know what? This is? Who I am and my energy are different, which is a little bit different than a boundary, all right. Number two is flight, and flight is, I've seen this is avoidance, right? So

looking over your shoulder all the time. That's flight. That takes a lot of energy. And when you're looking over your shoulder, when you're looking back, it's really hard to look forward or to look within, because we're always, you know, at least, keeping half an eyeball to our past over our shoulder, right? And then there's freeze, which is overwhelm, that's burnout, that's confusion, right? That usually happens when we've left ourselves wide open, and then we just suck in everything. You know, God forbid we are in Costco that day, on a Saturday, and there's a shit ton of people, and you don't even get to have any of your samples, right? You're screwed. So that is, you know, that is a draining thing. And then the last piece is fix. And again, fix, I've talked about it a couple times. We're uncomfortable, so we want to fix, or I'm just, you know, I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm tired of the fucking complaints, so I fix, I give unsolicited advice, and then I get annoyed because they didn't take that advice. Well, of course, they didn't. They didn't ask for it, right? And even if they did ask for it, and they didn't do anything, you know, it's on them that has nothing to do with me. And so when we do any of those four things, that's part of being drained. Okay? That is what, that is what we're talking about, being, you know,

empty tank on fumes. So it's time to have energy hygiene, right, to be energetically fit. And that can be done through meditation. It can be done with any kind of, you know, self care practice. It can be, it can just be anything, but make sure that you are looking at yourself and saying, Hey, I'm doing some me time. I'm taking care of myself and and I'm going to get going. So for me, what I like to do is I like to do

a meditation, and I say my energy, or the energy that syncs up with mine. So even if someone has a little bit lower energy than mine, but if it syncs up, and I know that my energy can elevate their energy without me even having to try, damn, let's have them in my energy. If it's someone with higher energy and it doesn't vibe with me because it feels a little bit manic or whatever, they can keep going. But if it syncs with me, let's have a convo. I'm ready to get amped up, right? I love getting amped up and and getting intense about things. That's just who I am. The other thing that I like to do is, I like to, I like to, you know, be that shit disturber. So do anything that disorients yourself or someone else. And what that does, it automatically puts you on reset and and you start building up energy again. So some things that I like to do is, I like to play pranks. Every once in a while, you know, I just did a joke on D not too long ago, with a bunch of other people in my martial arts group, as obviously I'm still laughing about it, where they all had to

tell her a quick tidbit

during class time, and you're talking about 20 people giving random tidbits, and she is not that kind of person. It completely flustered her, and it was freaking hilarious. So I know it was at her expense. She knew it was ended. She knew that there was some trickery involved, so it didn't really hurt her, but it it brought me back up, and it brought other people back up too, to be part of this thing. Okay, so do the thing, right? Your energy is your currency. So spend it where there's going to be a reciprocity you want return investment and return on investment, okay? The very last one is that impacts cannot be good. Lead.

Leaders? Are you fucking kidding me? Empaths make the best leaders. Here's why. We can see where people are coming from. We can understand people's pains, and a practiced Empath knows how to speak your intuitive language. So if you're an emotional speaker, then they know how to say, I feel. They know how to listen to your complaints and to turn that into the beginnings of a solution. They can tell if you want to work on it yourself, if you want to be part of a team, or if you want to be a little Maverick out there and do your own thing. They know how to match people up. Empaths, you are all amazing. You can do all these things

if you have the energy in yourself, right? Empathic leaders are amazing. They're intuitive. They're emotionally intelligent. That's what I'm talking about. They can see blind spots. They can see where collaborations will exist. They can't reorganize things that don't look like they fit like Legos fit, but damn, they fit like spoons, maybe, or maybe they fit in a different way. You know, they're much more elastic. Empaths, I don't know if elastic is the word, but much more flexible, and so

that is really good for leadership, so long as we

bust myths one through four, right? Don't heal the people that don't want to be healed. Don't attract the people that we don't need to be attract.

Don't be nice. Be honest, be authentic. Don't be judgmental, judgmental, and feel like you're, you know, superior in some way, shape or form, right? That we heal where necessary and where it's really, really good and juicy, and that we aren't drained, that we're coming from full capacity, right? We love doing a grade work, which means that we need to be on a full tank in order to do that. So those are my five myths that we have busted. It's really important to understand that empaths have power, that we can empower others and that we can empower ourselves. So, you know, find people who empower you, empower yourself and empower others. Just by being yourself. You don't need to seek them out, and if they're not seeking out, your advice, fuck them. You know you don't need to waste your breath.

Well, I'm not sure if that is the most positive way to say it, but let's say this, there really is someone for everyone. And you know, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, they were not for everyone. And guess what, neither are we. So let's find the people that we can help, and let's kick ass, helping them out and leading our families, our communities, our loved ones to a better place. Okay, thank you so much for listening to you. Mind Power Meets Mystic. You've been here with me. Cinthia Varkevisser, your spiritual shit disturber and this podcast, mystic. If you like this episode, please share it. Talk about it, and let everyone know what a great place mind power meets mystic can be. All right. Bye.