164. Mother-Daughter Healing & Communication with Fearless Generations

Welcome to Mind Power Meets Mystic. The show where practical mind power and mystical wisdom collide with humor and wild curiosity. Yeah, we're not here to play it safe. I'm Cinthia Varkevisser, your resident spiritual shit disturber. I stir things up with mystic power and bold action. And I'm Michelle Walters, coach and Hypnotherapist. I bring strategy and transformative hypnosis to help you turn subconscious blocks into unstoppable momentum. Let's shake up your thinking, dive into your soul and make bold moves in your life. We'll take you on a journey of breakthrough and aha moments, exploring spirit, business, love relationships and self expansion. We're connecting you with your highest self and flipping fear into strength. So buckle up. We're doing this one wild, transformative conversation at a time.

Let's go.

Welcome to another fun episode of Mind Power Meets Mystic. You are here with me, Michelle Walters and my podcast co host Cinthia Varkevisser, we are pressing on with our chakra series, which is turning out to be very popular. So if you haven't caught on to some of these episodes in the past, you'll be able to find many of them today, we are talking to a mother daughter duo fearless generations. Is the dynamic mother daughter coaching team, helping individuals break through fear and step into freedom. With over 40 years of combined experience, Terry and Kelly empower clients to ditch excuses, quiet self doubt and create intentional lives filled with purpose, certified through the fearless Living Institute and backed by real life transformation, they guide others using powerful tools like intentions, gratitudes and acknowledgements through coaching courses and community fearless generations bridges the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Welcome. Kelly Fox and mom. Terry Sayer, thank you so much. We're happy to be here. That sounds pretty good.

Yeah, I'm so better than pretty good.

We love you too, so much and and are really grateful to have you on the show for a bazillion reasons. But as it relates to the fifth chakra, which is about communication and self expression, I just want to get into it and talk about this mother daughter business relationship, because I think about my mom, Michelle, think about your mom, right? I think about my mom, and there's no way that I would have been able to be a a business partner with my mom, because I didn't have the honesty to to be able to communicate with her in a certain way and and I would love to hear how the two of you decided that this was a good thing, and how you are bridging that mother daughter thing and be equals. I'm not saying that mothers and daughters are not equal, but there is a relationship that you need to shift up exactly in order to balance it out as business. So yeah, for sure, for sure. I think it evolved because of our training. Kelly was I became a coach, a life coach, through fearless Living Institute before I did, and I really recognized in her a tremendous change. And up to that point, we probably didn't have this, and I won't say it's an ideal relationship, but we certainly didn't have the relationship we have now where we could work together. So watching her grow and transform

really made me want to know, what was that all about. You know, how could I learn to to access some of those same capacities that she was now showing and so then I went into the coaching training program as well, and because I was trained first to be a trainer, she assisted me in trainings, and then she became a trainer. And it just kind of evolved that, because we had the same language, we had the same understanding, we had the same experience. I mean, not identical, but we both transformed our capacity to to have to have a relationship with ourselves that was healthy, and then we could turn around and build this relationship we with each other, and we had this common kind of, like a common platform or understanding to build from. And that was what really helped us a lot. I mean, that's, that's what I see, was the impetus, or the beginning of this capacity to work together. Because I think lots of mothers and daughters, and I have four daughters, so

to be able to work, work together in a, in a business kind of thing. And we still have, you know, we still work at it. We still recognize when, when we're not.

Communicating effectively and when we can express ourselves in a way that meets our needs as well as the needs of our partner. So we're learning constantly and and it changes all the time. So that's that's my, that's my, my interpretation. I'll let Kelly give hers.

Well, I think that there's no way we would be able to do what we do with each other if we hadn't done the work for ourselves first. As Terry was saying, the relationship we have now is nothing compared to what we had before, fearless living or especially when I was a teenager

and

and so doing the work ourselves, going through the process and and living it right, not just

but actually doing it every day. The work is what makes us able to come to the partnership as people who can work together. And I think that that is true in any kind of partnership, like with you guys. You have to come together, you know, in some you know, capacity, be able to work with another person regardless if they're your friend or if they're your parent, right? But I think for us, we had to, we had to have some of that healing

in our own process, and then also

just

the continuation, like she was saying, we continue to work on it. So when something comes up, you know, we talk about it. And it's not always pretty,

for sure, it's not always pretty, but we were dedicated to the relationship, and we're dedicated to the partnership so

and it's just been really unique. I think for me as one of her daughters, is that I've been,

I've been front row, you know, center stage for her whole journey through fearless living. And so I've been able to be right there experiencing her transformation alongside her. So I have a very different relationship with her than my siblings do

I think, and,

and I think, and it's very special to me. It's something that,

that I'm very grateful for, is that we have, we have been able to

witness, you know, be each other's witness on this journey. And I think it gives me a lot more patience with her,

and

it does,

it gives me a lot more patience with her, but also compassion too.

You know, because I can see when she's triggered, I can usually guess why she's triggered. And so how can I support her through that process without triggering her further? That's kind of my,

you know, the role I take on when we're when we're doing that, you know, nitty gritty stuff, when we're coaching. It's, it's, it's easy.

You've been listening to Mind Power Meets Mystic with me Michelle Walters and my co host Cinthia Varkevisser, we want to tell you about a special gig the two of us have going on. It's called mind power meets mystic, the project, and it starts off on a zoom call with Cinthia. Cinthia tell everybody what they can expect. So for the first half of our session, you will be with me, and Michelle will be very quietly in the background, preparing to do her work. What we will do is that we will talk about the one thing that you either want to amp up or that you want to release. And through the intuitive work, I help you get boil it down to its essence, and then give you an RX of three practical things to do to set you on your way. And then Michelle magically appears. What is it that you do that Michelle, I have been listening in but not participating in the first half of the call. I have an excellent idea of what Cinthia means when she says something, and I have an excellent idea of quickly getting to what my client is all about and his or her individual strengths. I turn all of this into a 20 to 30 minute hypnosis session on the second half of the call, which when we're done, I strip off and send you as an mp three that you can listen to over and over again. You also will have Cinthia 's three point recommendations and the recording of the Zoom call. It is a fantastic one hour, offering a great gift for yourself.

Or for someone you don't know what to get such insights, and we've gotten such great reviews. So if you're interested, send me or Cinthia an email. You'll find our contact information in the show notes, and we'll tell you how to get started.

Yeah. So tell us a little bit about your coaching and about how you kind of navigate the waters with your clients in terms of getting them to

be real and open up and and make the steps that you guys are are guiding or or processing with people for making their transformations.

I think the the thing that sets us apart is that we give you tools. We teach you to actually, we teach you how to do it. We don't just say, Hey, do this. This is a really great idea. Go ahead, step out. Go for it. We teach you how, and we take you step by step. We'll hold your hand, we'll, we'll break it down. We'll, we'll take those risks, and we'll make them, you know, smaller and smaller and smaller until it's something you can easily step out and do.

And we encourage you all along the way, and we give you the steps to help you build that confidence to do it. And I think that that's one thing that makes us different from other coaches is that we, we don't just tell you what to do, we teach you how, and then we, we walk alongside you until you get it, and then we help you remember, and then whatever you need along the process. So, yeah, it's certainly when you talk about communication and self expression, is it's really a way of for and I've never done any other kind of coaching. So I mean, I've been a teacher for a very long time. I had to learn the difference between teaching and coaching and walking beside someone and letting people discover, take risks and be there to to be the soft place they could fall back on. And I think that it's really amazing to me to watch individuals, and then we do a lot of workshops or group coaching to watch individuals be able to take on a strategy or a skill, and in in in very limited amount of time because of awareness, be willing to to totally change the way that they think about something. I mean, it's just the idea. What I'll just for example, is taking

expectations, which bring us

self destruction, where we have expectations and we're tied to specific outcomes, to where we aren't open minded or open hearted, and teaching people how to live in an intention rather than an expectation. And people, once they we share that with them, there's actually a there's a visceral response almost immediately, that was, for me, probably my first awareness that I had the capacity to change my life by just changing the way I spoke, the way I thought and the way I looked at self expression and communication. And I think that knowing that I I would not any longer should myself or need or, you know, make myself feel guilty or shameful or remorseful, but I would, I would have this concept or this mantra that I was practicing, and I was practicing in the land of intention, not the Land of expectation, and I mean expectations I had of myself, expectations others had of me, because I'm a recovering perfectionist, and it's an addiction, and I'll always have it. But I tell myself, nope, you do what you can when you can, the best you can. So this is me telling myself, that's anecdote to perfectionism, and it helps me then to stay on that pathway of valuing myself and being able to express myself and communicate without feeling I have to be a certain way and that I think that's that's tremendous.

I'm raising my hand because Terry, the teacher, I have a question, yes, as you're talking about this,

I'm like getting this picture in my mind that when you are teaching people to talk about and to work from their intention, it's like an arrow. It's like thinking about sort of a, how your energy moves from where you are forward somewhere, right? Versus when I think about expectations, when I think about expectations, it's more like a wall. It's like a how, how high is that expectation? Is a tall wall? Is it a medium wall? Is a low wall? But it.

Kind of like teaching people to be arrows and not speak to walls. Yes, you good teacher. Did I do good? Yes, I love that analogy. I mean, I think that's a perfect picture. I mean, you can see that, you know, you can visualize that. And intention does give you that flow towards, towards open, open to whatever possibility there is, you know, and, and, and not, in fact, I did a podcast yesterday with with Becky Platts about how intention, I mean expectation, and being tied to a specific outcome just gives you so many walls, because there's so many possibilities. There's so many ways that that can flow and Ebb and turn, and, you know, meander, and then, you know, and being open to that, rather than say, No, I have to get there, and I'm only going to get there. And that's really when you talk about flow, and that's what we're talking about, the energy flowing through the chakras, right? Yep, it's, it's that flow of being open to possibilities, living in the land of intention rather than expectation, and then being grateful, you know, just being grateful for for that journey

and and that was a total different mindset for me, and it didn't take me long to to understand that. Now it's the lifetime practice, lifetime practice of living it.

Yeah, practice has never been one of my strong suits. Just, what do you say instead of practice? What

do you say? I'm in play. I keep playing. Yeah, that works. Yeah, if it's not fun, then I'm not going to do it. And so, yeah, awesome. Yeah, I think play and practice can be synonyms. You know, it's just the fact that you don't you're not trying, right, trying to do it. You're playing at it, you're you're experimenting, you're discovering, and to me, that's practicing too, yeah, yeah. That's my favorite P words, yeah. I love

words, yeah, pardon

Yes. They are powerful, right? Yeah, go ahead. So it's just important that you pick ones that support you, you know, and so if practice isn't your P, word use, play, that's totally fine, because that's what's going to get you out of your head, that's what's going to get you in your heart, that's what's going to get you moving,

you know. And you know, we're talking about our throat chakra, so our words, right, how we speak, how we communicate, that is going to, you know, play a big part on how you move forward. But yeah, intentions are very much about how you show up. So you know, how are you wanting to show up today? How are you wanting to play today?

Well, so I know both of you are parents to large families. Kelly, you have many children. How has the fearless living work

affected the way you parent your kids?

Well, it's affected it in a big way. If you, if you talk to my three older kids, they have a very different idea, or they had a very different experience with with me as a mom than my three younger kids do are half my

my 17 year old likes to complain, and I was like, Well, do you want me to treat them that way, or are we happy that mom is better? Like by

but yeah, I'm a whole lot more patient. I'm definitely more willing to play,

I'm more willing to listen

and and to see their innocence. I think that that is probably a big thing, where I might tend to jump to an assumption of the motivation behind their actions or whatnot. That's what I'm still practicing or playing with, depending on,

is that

you know,

you know when you get triggered and how that messes with you, and how you start to filter the information coming in, and, you know, helping them to see that as well. Okay, you've been triggered, and you're filtering your information this way,

you know.

So I definitely think I'm much more chill mom, but I think that's also come with age and just the natural wear down of, you know, six kids, but, but I think, yeah, I mean, I'm, I'm definitely a different mom though I started, I started fearless living when I was 28 so

I had just had.

My second child. So they've all had me at different stages, but I definitely think that the the younger ones are, well, I mean, they're all getting the same mom now, but, you know,

I definitely think I'm better now than I was.

That's hilarious. It's hilarious because, yes, exactly great model of your mom, right? And then And then, so you already had great foundation, and then fearless livings just pumped it up. I love how Terry was led by by Kelly, by Foxy. I love calling you Foxy,

that Terry was led by foxy to go into fearless generations, and then foxy went back and followed Terry to become a trainer. I love this because that's great symbiosis, right? The playing it back and forth, and that you're a mom as well, and I know that, of course, your kids are full grown. But how has it changed your parenting and Kelly, do you witness more often, or do you know when to witness and when to step in? Because you know your mom so well. Tell us a little bit more about that before we go back into your training as you know, as partners, yeah, yeah. No, I, I think I was 60 when I first, when Kelly first went into love, that fearless living, and she was living in Georgia, which, that was the first of my children to leave, you know, leave California.

And I think I went back when she had both of the kids that she had back there. I went to, you know, stay with her.

Yeah, huh. I only have one kid there. Oh, okay. So I went back when Daniel was born, and

she was so excited about Rhonda Britton and this whole thing, you know, learning about. And then I went to her graduation, which was in Denver. I don't know what year that was, but, and there were hundreds and hundreds of coaches there, and I don't know how many were graduating, quite a few graduating. And I met one of the people that she graduated with, JJ, a Fredrickson. I became her, her study client. And so I was coached by a coach in training as a study client, and I got the full coaching, 12 week art coaching of fearless living. And that really changed, changed my life as a person. And even though my children were grown, I had grandchildren,

my kids all noticed a difference in me all of them, and they all were very supportive, very, very supportive, and the difference made a difference in their lives, because I was very, a very angry person, and I found out, you know, through the process, I was angry because my needs were not being met, and I didn't know how to meet them. And so when I would be triggered, I just became angry. And so they were used to an angry mom, and it didn't take a lot to make me angry. And so by learning that and how to

control, not really control, but just how to understand and see that it was because I was being triggered, that I was was not loving myself, I was not thinking I was good enough, that those things were creating this anger, so that anger is gone. I sell them. I mean, anger is just a feeling, and sometimes I'll get a little bit angry, but it doesn't sit in my heart, sit in my soul, and

just take over, take me over, you know, so I'm fortunate, because that can kill you. And so health wise, mental wise, spiritually, emotionally, learning how to that, the why that anger was there, the needs that needed to be met that weren't being met and a very supportive family, I was able to eliminate that self destructive behavior, that addiction eliminated, and that changed my life, changed my life, and changed all of their lives, and has certainly changed my grandchildren and great grandchildren's life. So that legacy of transformation will go from generation to generation, and that I'm really, really grateful for. Yeah, fantastic story. Terry, yeah, yeah, go ahead. Kelly, I was my kids don't know her like they don't know the mom that I grew up with. So you know, when you have those stories with your kids, like, Well, my, my mom did this, you know, or my, if I said that to my mom, she would, you know, like, and I'll tell them things. They're like, that's not Nana.

Thank God,

Kelly, why don't you tell us?

Story about a client that you you have worked with, or the two of you have worked with who had a big transformation.

Oh, you put me on the spot. Um, well, but you got so many of them, I know, but I gotta think of one now. Um, I love all of our clients. We usually work with our clients. For you know, they, they tend to stick around and keep coming back. And so I love that.

I think one thing that just came to mind that Cinthia you asked about earlier of how we help people to

how we help people to express themselves, had to be honest to get real, is that we are we really

put a lot of energy into creating a self, a safe container, and so that is something that's really important to us, and something that all of our clients tell us about, The safe container that we create for them to

open up and be real and and be honest with themselves and each other. Because we love groups. I love groups, and we right now we're doing mainly work in person, workshops, and so

when you're together for that amount of time in a room, all learning the same skills, you know, practicing, sharing, getting really real and raw with each other. Amazing things happen. And I think

our last retreat that we had, we did up in the mountains. It was beautiful. All our participants were amazing. This, this is a little bittersweet, because our client passed away since then, but she, she's

82 and she, her Parkinson's was advancing, and she would kind of go back and forth on, you know what, I'm okay, just not doing anything. And then she but at the retreat, she just she set all of these really amazing goals for herself and how she was going to have routine. And you could just challenge. You could just see how it changed her her demeanor, and how she held herself, and how she sat in the room, and how she participated and and spoke up and shared. And you know she you could just you could just see it, and it was just really awesome to

to witness that, to be a part of that with her. And she had been with us for for, you know, years, but you know to be with her on this journey, you know.

And you know to finding out she has Parkinson's having in advance, and

in this, you know, trying to discover where she is and who she is in this new, new body,

and then for her to be, you know, like, I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do this and be all excited. It was just, it was just so much fun to be a part of. Unfortunately, she passed away a few months after, but

I I feel good that she left, feeling good about, you know where she was going and

you know who she was and how she was going to, you know,

tackle this new adventure in her life.

It's so beautiful that is so beautiful and touching.

While you're talking about this, I want to ask you about your partnership in retreats. So Michelle and I have this thing calledMind Power Meets Mystic, the project where I go in and I do one half of a session, and Michelle comes in and does the other half. What it's really easy to see is that I am the punchier one, and Michelle is so much kinder and sweeter. And I will come in and say some gross things that are outrageous. And then Michelle comes in, and she kind of, you know, settles it up now with between the two of you, and I know that you're at a place where you don't need to talk about it anymore. Who handles what during these times, because I know that that happens in your partnership, and I'd like to hear that. Kelly, yeah,

I think you should go first with this one.

Well, Kelly is definitely the detail person and and I'm fine with that. I'm the big idea person, and Kelly is the detail person. And that works out really well. What I like about our i.

Would say that we probably have much the same personality, so not one of us is more aggressive than the other. Or, you know that? I mean,

I come from a place of experience and wisdom that she can't have because of her age. So that's what makes a difference with us. We have two generations, and so we can share, from our perspective, in a way the other can't. And I think that's what really would say, that's the 212 punch is that, you know, she's got the the youth, which she's not that young

anymore. But anyway, yeah, I know. But I mean, she's, you know, she's her kids are growing up now. So her kids are 22 down to, I think eight eight, and my kids are 55 down to 42 you know. And so that's a whole different mindset, and that's what we bring to it. I would say the difference i i probably talk more intellectually. She talks more emotionally. So that could be a difference as well, because I like to talk, I like to talk with big words. I love that. I mean, I love words. I love to wordsmith. And so I'm using, you know, all these expressions that I do and she comes in and just, you know, down to earth. So I say those would be the two big differences? Would you agree? Kel, yeah, definitely. Our voices are like at the beginning, when I would try to write copy or content, you know, and try to write from a united voice, it really wasn't possible, because our voices are very different. I'm very casual, you know, I'm totally cool with lots of adjectives and totally, totally cool, totally, totally that's a joke that. But anyways, yeah, so I, you know, I, I'm cool with small words and keeping it simple. Terry likes to use her her vast vocabulary and and and stuff like that. So,

yeah, we're very different in that aspect. She's much more

school smarty, I guess, than me.

But I think that we definitely complement each other

in the sense of she said, you know, we have a lot of the same foundation to who we are at the core. So I don't think that. I don't think we're like bad cop, good cop, or anything like that. We're pretty much both, probably softies,

beautiful. So we're at that point where it's about time to wrap up. Kelly, or Terry, Would one of you tell us something that our users could do to meet you? Or there were an event you have coming up? I know you have a big event in the fall, why don't you share about that, or whatever you would like, yeah, alright. Well, you can always go to Facebook and go to fearless generations, our fearless generation group there, and you can catch Terry talks every weekday, which is Terry doing a one minute video to support you in your fearless journey. And then our event that's coming up, September 18 through the 21st we are doing an in person,

change your life retreat in Laguna Beach, California. It's in we have, we've rented out an entire boutique hotel on the beach, and it's going to be amazing, and it's all inclusive. You get your food, you get your room, you get

activities that are going to take you out of your comfort zone and and fearless generations. So it's going to be a really great event, and you can find that on our website, which is fearless generations.org.

Thank you. Thank you. Terry, thank you, Kelly, we're so glad to have the fearless generations Dynamic Duo on our show today. Well, thank you, our friend.

So much. So great.

You've been listening to Mind Power Meets Mystic.